See you later Pap!

It's with much sadness that I write this entry.
On Monday May 16th a new angel went up to heaven and his name was Dad/Pap/Abuelo/Oscar.
After I had been given the intial updates of his bad health from my family I was undecided on whether I should go home to visit. A big part had to with the fact that I wasn't over my 1st trimester 'yuckies' and definitely didn't want to fly feeling like that!
But as dad's condition got worse I made the decision to fly home to Brisbane - I must explain something though.
I knew when I went to see my dad he would be laying in a hospital bed looking very different to the dad I had seen in January and through the computer during our ichat conversions. This made me very anxious .. I knew I would cry and get myself a little (or very) worked up. I knew deep down I couldn't let myself get so worked up being pregnant and all but at the same I know myself and that would be a lot easier said than done.
So ..I cried here at home almost every day before I left thinking about that and especially as the updates I received kept getting worse. Jason even told me that if it was going to make me feel better that maybe it was best not to see my dad in that condition and remember him they way I wanted to remember him. But again ... I didn't know if I could do that either even though it sounded like a good idea. What was tearing me up inside was also knowing that my sisters and mum had to bear the pain of seeing my dad so weak, helpless and in terrible pain those 5/6 weeks that he spent in the hospital. I wanted to be strong like them also.

So I fast forward to our flight ... en route to Brisbane - Isabel and I flew out on Saturday May 14th (California time ). Since we left at Midnight Isabel managed to sleep approx 5-6 hours of the total 13 hours that we were in the air. I found myself dozing in and out of sleep too .. not long but enough to dream a little and talk to my dad and tell him that Isabel and I were alright and that it was ok if he wanted to be free from all his pain and let go. It felt so real. It wasn't like I 'saw' him but more like I was praying to him. My dad listened.
I remember walking through the airport on the day we arrived (Monday May 16th) and just had a 'feeling'. I texted Jason to tell him we had arrived and two minutes later he was calling .. he told me the sad news my sister had told him. My dad knew what I was feeling and I was at peace knowing that he heard me. He passed away in the early hours of May 16th and we arrived just a few hours later that same morning. I must admit it was a little weird crying while on the phone right in front of the baggage carousel at the Brisbane airport. Oh Well!

On Thursday May 19th we officially said goodbye to our 'Pap' in a simple but beautiful ceremony - just the way he would have wanted it.
I know you wanted so badly to see Isabel before you left Pap (everyone told me how you were shouting for her) but I will forever be grateful that she was able to spend some quality time with you. I will make sure she will always know what a great Abuelo she had even if it was for such a short time.
It made me so happy to see the canvas photo of my dad and Isabel on display in front of the chapel at his funeral. I love that pic!

So as I wipe the tears away - it's comforting to know that his spirit will live on in mine and both my sister's children and in the people we have become. You are free from pain pap and may you rest in peace.
Until me see each other again - See you later!

Mum and Sisters: On our drive home from camping today I saw a VW Beetle on the side of the road for sale ... looked just like dad's. It made me smile.